PERO NO

Sometimes my feelings are bottled up inside me. There are things I would want to say about you...but because it might not be true, because I know it might be wrong, because I know that it doesn't matter to you, because I know it won't change a thing or it would actually make things worse or because it’s just plain wrong I won't say it. However, the following might be things that I would say to you. Words that might or might not be accurate, that might express honestly how you make me feel or how I might feel about you. Words that at the end won't matter and might not be true about you, yet: 1. To you I want to tell you, that I am sorry, but not everything is about you. In a second thought, NO I am not sorry for you feel I disrupt your sleep. How many times have I stayed up listening to your latest big problem, I did not like teenagers when I was one, I don't like them now, specially when they are too old to be one. Ah, and if you could actually get your face out of your ass and look around you would see that you have it pretty good.2. To you I want to tell you, that I am tired. I love you and I have given up for you so much, that now, I need someone to be there for me. It's my turn. I should be tough, but guess what? I am not and I've never pretended to be. 3. Did I say I am not tough, why should I? Why? I am not tough and being such doesn't seem natural. Good for you!!! Because you are tough, smart, witty, intelligent, stable, godly, healthy, I am not and well I am ok with that. 3. To you I want to tell you that it's great that you found peace within, that you think that all my problems lie within me, that somehow I made my life the way it is--from the parents I got, to the illnesses that surround me. You might be right, but only for a second think that if you are not, well you might be just the most insensitive person there is. 4. To you I want to tell you that I miss you, and that is it.5. To you I want to tell you that although I didn't get to know you I loved you more that you would ever know. That my life has been affected in a positive way because of you and that you might have just saved my life and make me a little bit tougher. Even when I didn't notice at the time and I just wanted to die.6. To you I want to tell you that I am sorry because I fall short of your expectations. You are the most amazing person in my world and that the world is definitely a better place because of you. You have a special aura and I know you know.7. To you I want to tell you that I just cannot stand your smell, but other than that you are ok. You are beautiful and you remind me of me, smelly and all. You deserve to take care of yourself beyond make up and clothes, you deserve to be seen and loved the way you are, but don't kid yourself saying that you don't care because you do and if you don't do anything about it is not because you have great self-steam-- in reality you feel that you might not deserve otherwise.8. The pain you caused... it’s gone. The scars... still there. The anger...sadly it has switched its target, but stills there. 9. You need to know that no matter what, this too shall pass. And like the previous phrase, corny and overused sayings also hold some wisdom and you are not above them. : P10. YOU - NOW - GO - TO - SLEEP and take some Tylenol that it will work 'til then. Good night.